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Ardee
Poet denounces
Oscar Wilde
Claims that Wilde's
poetry, with the exception of the Ballad of Redding Gaol, is "alright
but it does not rhyme" and that "I've nuttin' against
him 'coz he was queer, it's just that his stuff is overrated and
someone had to come out and say it".
IRA man refuses bale (sic)
All hell broke loose in Clones when known IRA member, Michael
O'Flaherty was proffered a bale of hay as a peace offering in
an ongoing feud with a neighbouring farmer. O'Flaherty disclaimed
that "it is an utter insult to those who have given their
blood for Ireland", he went on to add "besides, you
can't hide behind it and it won't stop a bullet".
Louth
man so over educated that he will starve
Mr Miles Dennehey, of The Demesne, Dundalk
has stated that he is so over educated he is now destitute facing
a winter of abject poverty. "A doctorate in Economics",
according to Mr.Dennehey, "never prepared me for the realities
of shoplifting, joy-riding and petty crime in general".
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WHEELBARROW
STOLEN IN NOBBER.
TOWN GRINDS TO STANDSTILL
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The
Town of Nobber, Co. Meath has been paralysed this week after the
mainstay of the local economy went missing, presumed stolen.
The wheel barrow that for decades has been the lifeline to the
town was stolen at approximately 7.00pm in the grounds of the
town's church, just after the commencement of Saturday evening
mass. "This is a deliberate and premeditated attack on the
people of this community, striking directly into the heart of
our populace. The effect this will have on our lively-hood will
take years to put right, I just don't understand why anyone would
do such a thing", said local councillor Jim Heffernan.
Gadai plan WWI tactics to apprehend culprits |
The Nobber Residents' Committee reacted strongly
to the theft by adding, "this isn't just a random incident,
these savages have hit us in the past, stealing buckets, trowels
and other sundry gardening items, but now this...
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Have
you seen this 1998 galvanised whellbarrow? - Courtesy of
Kells Garda Intelligence |
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it's appalling. We want our children to have a
future".
Picking up the pieces after the tragedy, the Nobber Chamber of
Commerce issued a statement after an emergency meeting on Sunday,
putting forward a two-year strategic plan for economic recovery
and redevelopment.
"Obviously we will be looking
Peacefull : Nobber, before the crisis
to
Dublin for initial aid, and we hope the Taoiseach will visit the
region and see up-close the damage it has done to our municipality.
We want to be self-sufficient and self-determining, but this initial
aid is paramount to getting us back on our feet. This two-year
strategy will hopefully bring us beyond this catastrophe and into
a new era of prosperity. We aim to have a garden hoe for every
household in this town, a new shovel for the school and acquire
two horses that will have a huge impact on high-speed trade links
between Nobber and the Capital".
The town Garda was not available for comment as he was on a fact-finding
mission to Kells. The culprits are still at large.
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Weelbarrow
stolen in nobber.
| The
Town of Nobber, Co. Meath has been paralysed this week after
the mainstay of the local economy went missing, presumed
stolen... |
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Serial
killer strikes again.
| After
three weeks of terror, the Montmartre serial killer has
struck once again... |
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The
5 Stages of Drunkenness
Bog
Standard psychologist, Dr. Bickies, reveals the stunning
truth behind the great Irish Pastime - getting twisted...
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